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Snow Lady daises. Three plants arrived Saturday. 12″ x 12″ they are considered the most compact shasta daisies.

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Montauk. Almost open, everyday a little more shows. Cooler weather, slow bloomer. Should be worth it though.

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Seems the blooms will be plentiful on both plants.

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Fri. 10:15 p.m.

Overall, our walks have been going really well. Still have not ran into Hannibal, a.k.a Ava, the black lab. And the doberman has been kept indoors during the period of time we’re normally in the vicinity. I suspect it is be cause of the two bus stops at either end of the block and all the children milling about. No matter the reason, I’ll take it. The past two days however, I’ve been passing the woman with two large dogs that literally drag her down the street when they’ve a mind to. This is the same woman who was screaming, “G– D— it! Stop pulling me!!” which caused Cindy and I to do an about face and get as far away from her as possible. Today as we passed them the first time, Josie did well, but wasn’t able to hold her composure the entire time. I nipped it in the bud. My timing must have finally been right. She had two corrections, rather stern ones at that. On our return home, wouldn’t you know they’d be coming up the street on our side, right beside the doberman’s yard. Thank goodness the dobie was not out. Poor woman stopped at the corner and gave one of those shrugs like, oh geesh now what do I do? I know this street is part of her route. I respect that. We went across the street which kept Jos on my left. The lady’s dogs got a bit antsy, one growled a bit, but still Josie kept on trucking. She seems to know to do that now? Maybe? Perhaps she’s becoming more solid passing nutso’s? Cracked me up, the lady was telling the dogs, “now behave, you stay here, settle down now.” And when we passed without incident or much noise from them, she’s all, “oh that was such good dogs, good, that’s the way, good.” She’s right, it was good. Josie is aggressive, we know that. For her to remain in a calm state creates a level of stability that affects other dogs as well. She gets better and better :)

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Thurs. 8:50 p.m.

This morning’s walk was as pleasant as yesterday, but perhaps made more so by a slight alleviation in the heat and humidity. Any morning we are not faced by dogs deliberately permitted to run at large is a good day in my book. Seriously, does anyone blame me for not allowing an 80 – 90 lb. dog jump my 16 lb-er? Yes, it still bothers me, and probably always will, the whole weapons thing.

I spent some time with a neighbor last evening. We touched briefly on dog walking and my anxiety disorder that is greatly exacerbated. I explained I had rerouted so many times in the past < 2 yrs, that I am unwilling to do so any longer. She seemed shocked that I rerouted all of those times because she said, “why on earth would you do that at all?” When she asked why people were yelling at me, I explained we walk past dogs in their yards that become very excited and bark like crazy. The owners blame me by swearing insults and the demands they make. I repeated the words from the last confrontation, “why don’t you go walk somewhere else?” It’s not my fault her dog is out of control. I feel supported when other people hear some of my experiences, and they are confused too as sometimes I question my sanity. I feel in the minority. I’ve made it clear to the neighbors who care, if (God forbid, I don’t know what I would do without him) husband leaves this world before me, I will move to another city in a heartbeat.

It was about a year ago my brother-in-law unfriended me on Facebook. Previous to that, we had been friends for about 17, 18 years. When he married my sister, the three of us shared a house for a few years until I met my current husband and moved out. After that, we still spent holidays or played video games that sort of thing. It was only 2 years ago, we were still sharing meals at their campground. I may not be able to ride in the boat, but I would still make some dishes to help out with the meals. We had some nice times joking around the campfire as well.

The Facebook incident concerned a school assignment he was to complete but was finding it difficult due to personal reasons. He posted this in a status. I gave an opinion with what I had hoped was another way of looking at the subject. He replied and even thanked me. A few hours later, I log into FB only to find myself unfriended by my BIL. I was incredibly hurt and then very angry. Our relationship had even gone through a rocky period as I had to accept him after he had ran out on my sister. They eventually reconciled with the help of a counselor. I thought we were good. I had thought I was being a good person by forgiving and moving forward, but with the click of a mouse, I received a virtual knife in the back.

My sister, wanting to know what was going on, had been told by her husband I responded to a post, he followed with his comment and then went on to tell her I had written even more and was trying to “debate” him. That is a flat out, blatant lie. I did not write anything more than my initial comment to his status post, that was it.

The one year anniversary, as it is, is not the reason I bring this up. He subsequently told Sis he had deactivated his account. Another lie. Not only has been active all of this time, he has recently been posting. Now here is what has me feeling as though I am in the Twilight Zone, or being played, or the knife twisting in my back:  His last post from Saturday brags about how he has contacted reps in the House and Senate re Syria, is praying and “If any of my fb friends think I’m in error, I’m willing to have a thoughtful debate.”

Say what? Debate?

Lying sack of shit.

Professional student, that’s all he is. What is he, 52, 53 years old? He’s taking my sister for all she’s worth. But that’s her choice right? She’s been busting her ass taking care of his brother & family, his friends, his daughter. Family, yep, she chose hers. Time will tell if she’s chosen wisely. Enjoy. Oh, oh, oh, I am definitely to the point of not caring if we ever get together for lunch at all anymore. Everything (camping, dogs) and everyone (from in-laws to old women friends) are put above any time possibly spent with me. 1 1/2 hr for lunch ugh, what fucking ever.

Drama queen out. This entry defines Sis & BIL as non-issues. Thank you for your patience. This simply had to run it’s course.

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Wed. 11:15 p.m.

Been walking in the a.m. since Monday. It’s been going well for the most part. Each day we don’t see the black lab coming at us makes me relax a little bit more. So tired of laying in bed thinking I shouldn’t bother, feeling that tightness in my chest, the difficulty catching a breath. It’s so old. And then my bedside gets visited by a little white dog with soft, seal pup eyes full of love and excitement. The overwhelming desire to make her happy takes over. The necessity of my own exercise comes to mind as well.

Sis’s BIL & family comes in for a visit:  “Would you mind if we postpone lunch till next week also since they are coming in earlier than expected?” This was around the time she was going to help me get my compost bin to her. She wanted to put that off for about a week. I took it to her myself for two reasons, 1. I know how these things go even though it’s something for nothing, and 2. I don’t trust when she says she’s going to do something. She ended up catching a cold, so I backed off then. She said a few times we can go to lunch if I really want to, like if I pushed for it. (Aw.. shucks.. that’s okay, golly gee, thanks.) I tried to give her as much space as possible. First it was BIL’s bro, then BIL’s friend & son and finally it was BIL’s daughter. I can’t exactly remember the last time we’ve had lunch. Three rounds of family in plus a cold sort of put me off. Sometimes it was my idea. And now it is my idea, period. With Mon. & Tues. being her days off work, she wanted to get together last Monday even though she knows full well my husband and I go out Sundays. She also knows I dislike eating out day after day. The reason now is camping. She was to go Monday but instead stayed home finishing up her canning. Tuesday, the day I would prefer to go with her, was spent in the woods with her dogs and had no time to spare. She’s going camping, but oops, no she’s not. Yesterday, she asked once again to set something up for this Monday, again forgetting Sunday is my day with husband. Says she’s camping those days for sure. Her idea was to get a lunch in with me, and then head out to the camper asap. Tuesday is out. Even when her plans changed, Tuesday was still out.

The way I see it, I was asked to step back while in-laws were visiting at the time, and the rest of the time I stepped back on my own accord to try and be considerate. Right about now, I don’t care. Besides our emails, it’s the only thing we had. Priorities man. They say blood is thicker than water; family comes first. They also say you can’t choose your family. I beg to differ, and I would give it a vehement debate, because she sure has chosen hers. Not only did they entertain all this family the past few months, they found time to take hoity toit to breakfast as well. Isn’t it lovely to have family?

12:40 a.m. (Thurs.) – A thought just occurred to me. Sis wrote if my plans with husband changes on Sunday, and I would like to meet her Monday, let her know. Uh, okay, so what was up last Mon & Tues when her plans changed? She filled in her Tuesday, and I sure wasn’t part of it. Alrighty Sis, hold your breath.

Why is this even an issue? I’ll tell you. She has a job, schedule, that sort of thing. For me to discuss this, talk it over, would mean I am defending my worth. The absolute last thing I would ever want to do is have to explain that my life is just as important as hers is. I think it is best if I avoid the subject and avoid lunches with her altogether. As it is, she expects me to wait until camping season is over and done with if I want to go Tuesdays and be grateful for that. Never mind that every time her days off changes, I roll with it. Never mind my shopping days changed, but yet I can still find time for her. Never mind everything.

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Friday 10:50 a.m.

Did not walk yesterday for a few reasons. I’m building this whole irresponsible owners with dogs at large thing way out of proportion considering the current changes, and the weather has changed for the cooler which is making me feel rather blah. Weed pollen is high while tree remains moderate. This is about the time my sinuses get a bit crazy and the Meniere’s kicks in. I’m doing everything possible to minimize that as usual, but it did factor in.

I’ve started taking my Tranxene in the mornings before we leave. This has helped my brain to slow down some. Today our walk seemed slower, deliberate and more in control (if that made sense). No black lab, and although there were kids on the corner, the dobie was sunning itself near the porch. It was a very nice walk overall.

In helping my brain to slow down, I’m attempting to refocus on the pleasurable things in my life by taking more photos of the garden. The Sweet Autumn clematis is in full bloom.

View from the street.

View from the street.

And from the back.

And from the back.

Begonias and Purple Palace coral bells.

Begonias and Purple Palace coral bells.

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Montauk daisies update – This first photo has three buds on it, one is hidden underneath the larger one. I don’t know how many flowers appear on each branch, so I was really happy to see a few.

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Spider web over those buds. That’s always a good thing.  :)

 

The two plants together showing some buds on most of them.

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Wednesday Proper – 2:15 p.m.

Our walk this morning was very nice. No black lab and no dobie. Dobie lives near a busy school bus stop, and today being the first day for the public school district, I’m not surprised the owners opted to keep the dog indoors. I think we’ll be sticking with this time of morning ;)

Friend. What is a friend? There are two definitions in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary I particularly like in that it seems to apply to social situations:  1) ” One attached to another by affection or esteem,” and 2) “A favored companion.” So that’s what it is, now how does one go about getting one? Most of the time I hear to make a friend, you have to be a friend, i.e. reliable, a good listener, trustworthy, etc.. Since it’s normal to not completely agree with a friend or like certain aspects of their opinions, this is where tolerance and acceptance comes in.

Doomsday Donna, the woman I befriended when we used to walk Flower Lady Road — Her conspiracy theories really tried on me. However when she fell, broke a disc in her spine and then developed a problem with her eyelid (affecting eyesight), I was there for her. Her roomie does not drive, so I willingly did their grocery shopping a few times, took her to the VA, went to pharmacies and ran other various errands for both ladies. She asked what she could do for me because she felt appreciative. My only response has been to request that she “be my friend.”

She has since had surgeries to repair her back and correct the problem with her eye, but her eye isn’t healing the way it should. Twice she has had to cancel CT scans because of poor vision impairing her driving ability. Last week, she rescheduled and called upon me to drive her out. We set up time and date. Today I knocked on her door, she greeted me, told me she had something set up for after the scan that would take a few hours and she did not need me to drive her. She knew this days in advance, but not once did it occur to her she should let me know my service was not needed.

By definition, the “esteem” is missing, the affection towards a favored companion is not there or I would have crossed her mind at some point. I make myself available, I believe I am very trustworthy and make good on my word. I tend to be too opinionated, but I’m actively working on that. I think I would make anyone a good friend. I keep secrets too, and I don’t drop people.

So… what the FUCK!?

It’s good though. I mean, a lesson that has taken me years to learn because, idiot that I am I used to believe in second chances, is fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Nope, D.D. can forget my number, buh bye.

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Wed. 12:45 a.m.

Dog walks are still happening on the same route. We know the dogs behind the fences, the foo foo’s on the porches and even some of the people along the way. Josie is to the point of ignoring them for the most part. If not for those two hot spots, it would be great. To be honest, I haven’t seen the black lab since Sunday. Monday, the dobie headed over to meet up with us before we even crossed the avenue. Once again, the sound of the baton made it disappear. (I swear it did. I blinked, and the dog went poof. It’s a magic wand Oooo.) Tuesday it was near the porch watching us pass. Didn’t make a move. I think it’s this way most everywhere. You usually have a few people who think their dogs will find their way home, or come when they’re called or believe they won’t go through the invisible fence. And always, always there will be those dog owners who put Fido out in the yard and then go watch Sponge Bob, always, while Fido is busy digging his way out. I suppose I’m tired being anxious. It’s not that our city is all that big either. Like I can’t imagine walking a dog in Philly. There might be 46,000 – 47,000 people here? Something like that, rather smallish. So I haven’t gone to bed yet, and I’m obsessing over walking my dog in the morning. Ugh.

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Aw, she’s so cute when she wakes me in the morning, excited to get going. So worth it.

Getting cooler. Leaves are starting to fall already. I had planned on mowing and such, but just didn’t bother to get around to it. I think I’m sort of sad to see summer go. Usually it makes me feel better, but I feel as though I’m slowing down, not so motivated. In about another week and a half, the Snow Lady daisies should arrive to be planted. I need to divide and replant the spiderwort and spider daylilies. The spiderwort will be really cool. I know I can get at least three good-sized patches from them. Still lots of blooms and colors out there. The black-eyed susans are still going strong, marigolds and begonias. Once the susans are done, I’ll cut them to a few inches and will pull the annuals as they begin to look weak.

On the bright side, the Sweet Autumn clematis is about halfway in bloom, it’s gorgeous as usual, and the Montauk daisies have me hopeful that they will keep the garden brightened. What a lovely surprise they’re turning out to be. Fall daisies, who knew? Ha! Learning all the time.

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Flower buds are starting to appear on these stems almost daily. Cool!

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